


And All The Tears On Her Guitar

by JessJesstheBest



Category: Red White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston
Genre: Canon Compliant, Didn't even read this before posting, I wrote this to be petty, I'm not sorry, M/M, This is the first fic in the fandom which is hilarious, Unbeta'd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-12 02:30:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20556749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JessJesstheBest/pseuds/JessJesstheBest
Summary: “Nothing, really,” Alex whined. “I barely know her. I’m sure she’s fine. She’s just boring and annoying and whiney and I never want to be around her ever in my life.”Or Alex and Henry respond to their fans linking them with the new Taylor Swift album.





	And All The Tears On Her Guitar

**Author's Note:**

> You ever get so pissed off at fandom on tumblr you write a whole fic to be petty about it?

It was a normal day, puttering around the brownstone, when Alex heard it.

He was doing his normal thing, pacing the wooden floors in his bare feet, reading over the latest draft proposal for his Civil Procedure course, when from the piano room (and of course they had a piano room) he heard the slow strokes of a melody with which he was familiar and immediately put off.

“Sweetheart?” He called, padding quietly back down the hall to the doorway. Henry had stopped as soon as Alex had called for him – the house naturally gifted at carrying sound and Henry unnaturally attuned to Alex’s voice. He was already looking at the doorway when Alex walked through. “Baby, what are you playing?”

Henry shrugged, turning back to the piano and plucking out the same notes Alex had heard. Alex fought back a wince.

“I’m not really sure,” Henry answered, watching his hand pick out the song, slower than the original. “I remember hearing this song. And thinking it was nice. And it’s been in my head recently.” He turned back to Alex, half a smile on his face. “Do you know it?”

Alex grimaced, coming forward to take a seat next to Henry on the piano bench. “Unfortunately.”

Henry made a sound of surprise, his hand coming up to rub at Alex’s back. “Why is it unfortunate?”

Alex groaned, leaning into Henry’s hand. “You’re playing ‘Wildest Dreams’ right now. It’s Taylor fucking Swift.”

Henry chuckled. “Ah, yes, that. Nora told me about your feud with that one.”

“It’s not a feud,” Alex protested. He looked up into Henry’s face. “Ours is the only feud I care about.”

Henry smiled, softly, and leaned in to kiss his forehead. “Yes, love, thanks for that.” He hooked his hand around Alex’s hip, pulling them closer together on the bench. “But if not a feud then what’s the problem?”

“Nothing, _ really _,” Alex whined. “I barely know her. I’m sure she’s fine. She’s just boring and annoying and whiney and I never want to be around her ever in my life.”

Henry huffed out a laugh, the breath of it ruffling Alex’s hair. “But I’m sure she’s fine.”

“Right,” Alex agreed. “And that song specifically makes me want to pull my own teeth out because everyone played it a billion times when it came out and every subsequent time it’s played just marks another three minutes closer I am to death.”

“Of course,” Henry agreed, sounding for all the world like that was a reasonable response. It was only when Alex looked at him and saw the quivering at the corner of his mouth that gave him away.

Alex pouted, butting his head against Henry’s shoulder. “You laugh, but you’re in America full time now, sweetheart. You’ll see what I mean soon enough.”

  


Weirdly, it was not too long until Henry _ did _ see what he meant. Just not how Alex was expecting.

They were lying in bed, Alex tucked into Henry’s side as Henry combed lightly through Alex’s curls with his fingers. They weren’t paying any attention to each other aside from that: Alex caught up reading from his textbook and Henry scrolling absently on his phone.

Alex was working his way through a particularly dense bit of jargon when Henry made a soft noise in his throat.

Alex jumped on it, glad for the distraction. “What’s wrong, baby?”

“Nothing. I think.” He looked down into Alex’s face, expression soft. “Just a bit baffled, if I’m being honest.”

Alex squirmed, bringing himself into more of a sitting position so his face could be on the same level as Henry’s. “By what?”

Henry gave him a look like ‘I know you’re using me to procrastinate’ but showed Alex his phone anyway. “A lot of people have been tagging me on Twitter. Telling me to listen to the newest Taylor Swift album.”

Alex recoiled, his face scrunching in distaste. “Ew. Why?”

“There’s a song on it they say applies to you and me.”

Alex groaned, sinking back down on the bed and burying his head in Henry’s stomach. “Nooooo. I will not have That Woman co-opting my relationship. That was _ our _ gay sex scandal, dammit!”

Henry chuckled, petting over Alex’s head soothingly. “I don’t think she’d co-opting anything, love. Just some fans trying to share a song they love.”

“Or a bunch of fucking Swifties trying to take our love and make it about her,” Alex muttered into the fabric of Henry’s shirt.

Henry just patted his head again.

They were on a flight to London to appear at one of Bea’s benefit things. Again, Alex was doing homework (he barely did anything else these days, it seemed like) and, again, Henry frowned as he scrolled through his phone.

Alex was immersed, doing an assignment he thought might actually help him when it came to implementing policy later in his career, when Henry kicked him.

They were facing each other over a table (flying private still kicked ass) so it was less of a deliberate kick and more that Henry’s anxious leg bouncing hit a spasm that swung his foot into Alex’s thigh. It got Alex’s attention in any case.

He hummed in acknowledgement, not looking up from his book. But when Henry didn’t continue speaking he looked up.

Henry was chewing on the cuticle of his thumb, a filthy habit he never would have picked up without Alex’s terrible influence. His eyebrows were knit in concentration and his leg kicked out at Alex’s knee again. He didn’t seem aware of it.

“H?” Henry didn’t look up. “Henry.”

Nothing. Alex heard the click of his teeth as he bit down on a nail.

Alex kicked him. “His Royal Blockhead, your boyfriend requires your attention.”

Henry blinked up at him, his thumb coming away from his mouth shiny with spit. “Not your best, love.”

Alex rolled his eyes. “I’m funnier in writing.” He kicked him again. “What’s with the face?”

Henry grimaced. A different face than the one he’d been making but a face with a similar energy. “You’re not going to like it.”

Alex shrugged. “Tell me anyway.”

Henry sighed, uncrossing his legs so his feet could butt up against Alex’s. On purpose this time.

“I’ve been reading up on…” he scrunched his nose. “Taylor Swift.”

Alex hissed.

“I know, love. I was trying to better understand your hatred of her.”

Alex crossed his arms. “I don’t _ hate _ her.”

“Yes, I _ know_. But I still thought your reaction to her was rather strong. But…”

Alex sat up a little straighter, his mouth twitching. “Yes, sweetheart?”

Henry scowled at him. “She… doesn’t have the best track history, does she?”

Alex smirked full on, now. “No, she does not.”

Henry sighed again, scrubbing a hand over his face. “It’s not even that she’s done anything all that bad? I think I just find her narcissism quite grating.”

Alex leaned forward his hands gesturing toward Henry. emphatically. “Yes! Exactly that! She’s got this _ victim _ complex. Personally, I blame Kanye.”

Henry shot him a sharp look. “We are not getting into that. No Kanye talk. Never again.”

Alex put his hands up in concession. He and Nora get in _ one _ screaming match at an award show after party and suddenly there’s a ban on talk of Kanye forever.

“Well, whatever,” Alex continued, undeterred. “The fact that Taylor Swift had the nerve to write an entire album about her ‘bad reputation’ when, in reality, no one could give a fuck about her, kind of proves the self-agrandization anyway.”

Henry cocked an eyebrow. “But… doesn’t your distaste prove that you _ do _, in fact, give at least a few fucks?”

Alex made a noise in his throat. “I _ don’t _. And even if I did, I’m more annoyed at her insistence that people care about her than anything. It’s not about her.”

Henry scrunched his nose again. “It’s kind of about her.”

Alex growled. Henry reached forward to pat his knee.

“Shhh, none of that. I’m not disagreeing with you. I do know what you mean.” He switched his seat so he was sitting next to Alex. He leaned over the armrest to press their shoulders together, letting Alex feel his weight. “I was looking into her _ Lover _ album – the one all of those Twitter people say remind them of us – and the one song… bothered me.”

Alex bit back a snort. He wanted to say _ ‘That is not a unique experience when it comes to Taylor Swift. _’ but something in Henry’s voice told him it was not the time to say that. 

“I have followed American queer history nearly as much as I’ve studied up on our own. I know about Harvey Milk and Kiyoshi Kuromiya. I know Marsha P Johnson threw the first brick at Stonewall. I know what the Stonewall Inn represents.”

Henry’s face was screwed up in disgust. He was well and truly _ bothered _.

“For Taylor Swift to play there during pride in 2019 – to promote her song that had nothing to do with us. Just for herself…” He shook his head. “It’s not right. It’s exploitative and I hate it.”

Alex frowned, leaning his head into the crook of Henry’s neck, nuzzling his jawline. “Did you see the music video?” he asked, turning his face to kiss Henry’s shoulder.

Alex felt Henry’s nod against his hair. “It didn’t make me feel better.”

“No, I didn't think it would.” Alex craned his neck to kiss Henry’s jawline. “If it makes you feel better: Nora was approached to be in that music video and turned it down full stop. She didn’t like the idea of being trotted around like a sexually fluid show pony.”

Henry laughed, leaning his head against Alex’s. “Good old Nora.”

“There’s no one better,” Alex agreed.

As much as Alex wished Henry never had to suffer falling down the insufferable wormhole that was Taylor Swift’s career (_“She didn’t even go to the Women’s March, Alex! What kind of fake feminist–”_) he was grateful that they were finally on the same page about That Woman and her influence.

They wouldn’t turn down a fan who asked for an autograph on a poster with Taylor Swift lyrics. They never publicly decried her or any of her (frequent and numerous) annoying incidents. By all accounts, they never gave Taylor Swift a second thought.

But whenever she was mentioned or whenever one of her songs was playing at one or another party or function they attended, they would share a look and an eyeroll, and feel secure that their partner understood what it was to be beleaguered by everything that was Taylor Swift. 

And when she invited them to her next Labor Day barbecue, they RSVP’d with an unequivocal “No.”

**Author's Note:**

> Title's a dig at Taylor Swift from the Jonas Brothers song ["Much Better"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r87Dgaze574) because Joe Jonas dated her and he gets it.
> 
> Not gonna bother to post on tumblr because that's where all the Swifties live but I do have one and you can find it [here](saywhatjessie.tumblr.com).
> 
> Alex and Henry would never stan Taylor Swift. Die mad about it.  
  
(via [jon_kent](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jon_kent/pseuds/jon_kent))


End file.
